When your backs against the wall and you are faced with the decision, right or wrong, who cares really? Every decision you make in life is a gamble. Nothing is fair in hell on earth.
It is sometimes overwhelming to discover that your own enemies are your blood. I am so melancholy from the betrayal. Only the Holy Spirit is holding me up and for that, I feel so blessed and loved. All these emotions at the same time.
As a young person, I remember the phrase “has been” being used more frequently than in today’s vernacular. The phrase felt full of judgement and condemnation. It implied that once you were someone and now you were a “has been.” Like you had something wonderful, and you blew it – wasted it, let it go.
I wonder how many of us feel like “has-beens.” How many of us feel like deep inside of us there is something fantastic and grand but for a variety of reasons, we have not shared this greatness with the world. Whatever those reasons may be, the greatest reason is our fear to be great! It is a fear deep within us that we are not good enough, smart enough or courageous enough to share.
One of my favorite poems by Marianne Williams titled our Deepest Fear:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
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In my mind I see a place that I can finally call home. A place where the sky meets waters undetected by drones. A place where if I lay me down to rest and not awake from sleep, my soul shall forever rest in peace.
For the demons I fight in my awakened state, enter my dream world too. They shudder when they see me seeing the GOD in me too. He downloads his instructions embedding them in my memories. Remembering what I forgot, a blessing I’m most thankful he’s bestowed upon me.
In my mind I see a place that I can finally call home. Not knowing that finding home would make me so bi-polar prone. In general, I’m happy but sin won’t leave me alone. Demons provoking me with anxiety, making me feel I don’t belong. Feeling like, “what’s my purpose,” when being bruised by human stones.
Then like a flash Supernatural Father sends sensations through my mass reminding me of his promise of my purpose. Doubt, fear, and worry only hurry humans to early termination. Faith, obedience, and optimism promotes longevity.
For this submission
Since there can be no mention of profanity, erotic or religion
I will speak of the Politician
Especially during this election season
Commercials and infomercials subliminally enticing me
Convincing me to vote for a man that has my best interest at heart
He’s wealthy, prestigious, progressive, and smart
But I don’t see him pulling strings to get me a job
I’m the 99%, how could he relate to me?
He never had to sleep in his car or do manual labor for free
Capitalism good or bad, hasn’t been kind to my seeds
The cry of long-suffering bleeds free with no relief
While the gap between the rich and poor grows like weeds
CEOS of companies retire like Kings and Queens
How did they get the means?
The un-unified state of America is on the Politician
Providing beautiful propaganda prose and rhetoric
Smiling while lying to get a vote from me
Hiding behind fake Partitions of Democracy
For the Record
Tho thou thee tho
Please let the record show
I was born.
Like Kanye said, “I gotta catch the beat!” Shot out to my homies on the west and the east. Down south I reside and I’m running these streets. Paper chasing elevating intellectually. I’m trying to gain my forty acres with a home by the beach. I want to feed the whole world and make sure everyone eats. I going to spread positive till my soul grows weak. We should be caring for each, ending wars, making peace. Instead we trolling and loathing for a few re-tweets. What about the book the Bible that speaks of the meek? “Main meek is weak!” is echoed on inner-city streets. “Words don’t mean anything!” All lies and deceit. Words have power. Humility is peak. Unique is a virtue. You gotta catch the beat. Don’t be struck by the ignorance of misguided technology.
Blinded by the Beast
Didn’t realize I was part of ‘Me Too.’ I only know survival and doing what I have to do. To cover scars seen with the naked eye, red, purple, black and blue. Pushing back tears from inside while doctoring on the truth. Why this need to violate me? Why do you dislike the way I express my individuality? This need to feel empowered by other’s suffering so insane. Can’t image the joy it must bring to your weakened self-esteem. Yet you gleam transparency while hiding bones you bring. These things done to me when you thought no one else would see. Me choosing not to be a victim yet not televising anything. Packing my baggage nicely and neatly and to the extreme. Never really healing from how you violated me. No not me too. I fight back. Epsom salt bathes, hot and cold packs. In my prayers everyday pleading for peace. The war rages on with woman, man and beast. I cannot control you lover and how you treat me, but how I treat you rests in peace. I won’t spread hate and wish woe unto you. I know that at times you do not know what you do. I still love you and hope you find your way home. And like Motel 6, I’ll leave the light on.
We don’t know what we gon be
How long we gon be here or
What we gon see but all we know
Is he who makes us be
Knows how it goes and he guides
Us to what we gon see
If we believe that he
Who is that makith thee
Sun to shine on you and me
I know what I wanna be
And that’s whatever he needs
Me to be for the glory of the Breath Maker
And the holy spirit he blesses upon me
guides me to the right words
Cause I would only be ash without Allah
Silly of me to think that I’d
Have time to write these prose and rhymes
To hear the beat one more time
When I am walking a fine timeline
Ready to ascend or decline
All these distractions on my mind
Making it hard for me to find a piece of mine
in all this tainted perfection
What am I to do when your heart turns midnight blue
Cause I can’t find the words to ever disown you
You’ve become conceited from adornment instilled at birth
Doesn’t make sense your confidence wears green with envy
Did I not put the S on your chest? Singing to you “you are the
best” as you rested and nested in my womb. Now here you
stand, my grandest creation ungrateful for freewill
Let me buy myself some time like the taste of fine wine that is ageless.
Let me buy myself some peace some peace of mind in times of pain.
Let me buy myself some air so I can breathe in the freshness of the day to clear my mind.
Let me buy myself some space to have a place to recline and mind my own business.
I would also buy myself some trust and store it up for when times get tough.
I would also buy myself some rain to mask the joys and pains, so I’m always centered.
Can’t forget to purchase trust, that little virtue cost so much and the price of shares just went up
Loyalty where have you been
Royalty is not a sin
Long time not feeling supported
Almost aborted this world
No peasant blood in my veins
Feeling disproportionate makes me insane
Don’t like this new slave game
Long time blood lines been in chains
Visible invisible traces of pride pain and shame
Not what we’re looking for is the claim
Desperately seeking affirmations in the
Form of reparations never to be received
Paying for things in life that should be free
Who can save me from this Twilight Zone
The alarm clock bongs again and again
The Cons win, and the Good Guys lose
The Main Thing
My GOD Breathe Maker Most High Jehovah Jah Yahweh Allah All Mighty Most High Lord of Lords in Jesus name nothing on earth has been the same since evil reign.
So many things so many pains, can I please break free from the generational curses bestowed upon me.
That I stood up for my rights as a human being having the breath of life.
Blown into me by the Most- High. That I am man’s confidant in all things.
And not his subordinate in anything else but in expeditiously being able to forgive.
That I was given man’s rib to show I’m his partner in the struggle.
That I may have my rebuttal. That I may explore those secrets that only GOD knows.
The things GOD told and showed humans back when GOD walked the earth.
Whether we believe or disbelieve these options provided to we by the Breathe Maker.
The emotion that you see when you gaze upon me, should be one of peace as anger rages inside of me.
I am so fearless and anxious of what I might do that I dilute the rage with booze and in no time, I’m hitting snooze on the world.
Oh, how I love and hate the world. It is like a girl tongue kissing a girl, so taboo. What am I expected to do? Give out? give into? Not what my intuition motivates me toward do!
But the rage still burns blue and my conscious lust for you self- indulgence.
Pity pity me torn between worlds seen and unseen. intoxicating reality for REM sleep.
Physically I pray, emotionally I bleed, praying for man to love me Spiritually. Is it in my walk? Do I dress to fleshly? relationships are like natural disasters waiting to happen to me. How can he ever love me, if he cannot wait for intimacy? So impatiently his spirit wishes to enter me. Lying to be misled. All for about twenty, maybe thirty minutes in bed. I rebuke the charge that I love too freely. For what is my purpose if not for me to love and be loved unconditionally. But what about my soul. That place of solid gold tormented repetitiously by those who earth disturb. Promoting empty calories of superficial love. I cry out in pain. Something has to change the balance of sorrow to joy. I can no longer claim, time wasted, or love lost. I gain! I gain power in giving love. I gain favor with time spent weaving through wisdom in the form of experience. My current love embraces me. Sweet promises he makes of marrying me. Knowing I will not say yes if not love spiritually. Hopeful romantic, that is me. Soon all will see that my love is but a small reflection of the love the Breath Maker has for we! It is not in vain, this torture stake of pain. It is practice in the perfection of being meek. I have found my center which puts me at the peak. I Aaliyah!
We all face unforeseen occurrences that depending on how we respond, shapes the course of our ever-present present and future. For the life of me, my vice is transparency with my inner circle. I overextend myself to prove I am selfless, only to be shamed with disrespect and ungratefulness.
Enjoyed referencing your piece in a conversation with my young ’90’s baby
NEGUS (n). Negaste. Niggers. Nigga.
A unique derivative of an ancient title.
NEGUS (n). is “King” a term originated from Abyssinia. A king- used as a title of the sovereign of Ethiopia. This term is originated by its native Ethiopian Amharic language. Since the creation of the title NEGUS (n) has been used to identify but defined differently to physiologically change the minds of captive Africans to re think of themselves as someone less than whom they were.
Many western names like Negus originate from religious texts like the Bible, the Bhagavadgītā, the Quran, and so on. Often these names relate to a religious expression such as “Worthy of praise”. Many western names like Negus originate from religious texts like the Bible, the Bhagavadgītā, the Quran, and so on. Often these names relate to a religious expression such as “Worthy of praise”.
NEGUS NEGASTE (King of Kings) Prayer
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